so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
