This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
