i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
