Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
