You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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