respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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