The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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