there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
