i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
