Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
