what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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