every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
