I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
this is an emotional support booty call
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
