You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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