Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
