He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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