Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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