why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
