I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
