I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am available for nakedness
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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