I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
