since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
