dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
