My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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