No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
