I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
