I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
did i walk over a car last night?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
