Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
handjob tips. give me some.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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