When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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