the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
