We won't sleep together?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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