you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
