She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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