Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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