I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
