just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
