i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
