My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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