Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
