I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
