he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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