It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
