It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
