dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
