YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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