Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize