We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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