i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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