***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
