Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
