Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize