just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
