My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
