I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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