I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
