Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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