My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
