I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
