I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
