no, he came in my armpit
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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