Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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