Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize