"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
