new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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