Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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