I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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